Movember: The Conversation Worth Having in Your Street

Every November the moustaches appear. A few of them are magnificent. Most of them are not.

That is rather the point. A bad moustache gets commented on, a comment becomes a conversation, and the conversation is the entire reason Movember exists.

What is Movember actually for?

It raises money and awareness for men’s health, covering mental health and suicide prevention, prostate cancer and testicular cancer.

The moustache is only the doorway. It hands people a reason to ask a man how he is really doing, in a culture that mostly does not get round to it.

What has this got to do with an estate agent?

More than you might expect, because of where the job takes us.

We spend our working lives inside other people’s homes. We meet people at the precise moments life turns over. A relationship ending. A parent dying. A job lost, or a job that means leaving everything familiar behind. Over the years you meet a great many men who are going through something significant and telling almost nobody about it.

Moving is also one of the loneliest things a person can do. You leave a street where people knew your name and arrive somewhere nobody does. For a man who was already quiet about how he was doing, that can be the moment he goes properly silent.

What can you actually do this month?

Five things, none of which require a moustache.

Notice whoever moved in this year. They have not had a winter here yet, and nobody has knocked. Five minutes and a proper introduction changes that.
Ask twice. The first answer is always fine. The second answer, after a pause, is sometimes the true one.
Pick something local and turn up. A Movember walk, a fundraiser, a barber doing shaves for donations. Being in the room is worth more than a donation made alone on your phone.
Think about the man who is not doing Movember. The one growing the moustache is already talking. It is the quiet one who is worth a message.
Put a number where someone can see it. If you run a business, a card in the window with a helpline on it costs nothing, and somebody will read it who would never ask.

How do you start the conversation without it being strange?

You do not announce it. Announcing it is what makes it strange.

Do it sideways, and while doing something else. In a car, on a walk, over a job in the garden. Men talk far more easily when they are not sitting opposite someone who has asked them to talk.

Then say very little. Do not try to fix it, do not match it with something that once happened to you, and do not rush to fill the silence. The most useful thing you can offer is the clear impression that you have got all day.

What if you are worried about someone?

Trust the small changes rather than waiting for something obvious.

It is rarely dramatic. It is the man who has stopped coming to the thing he never missed. The one whose garden has quietly got away from him. The one who is drinking a bit more than he was, or who has gone very funny about money, or who has started saying he is knackered every single time you ask.

You do not need to be right, and you do not need a plan. Turning up with two coffees and no agenda is a perfectly good intervention. If you are genuinely worried about someone’s safety, say so plainly and stay with them while they ring their GP or a helpline.

And if you are the one who is not doing well?

Tell one person. Not everyone, not the internet. One.

If that feels impossible, tell your GP, or ring one of the helplines that exists precisely so you can talk to somebody who does not know you. There is nothing brave about carrying it on your own, and nobody is keeping score.

Frequently asked questions

When is Movember?

The whole of November, every year. You can register to grow, walk, run or host something at movember.com.

Do I have to grow a moustache to take part?

No. Plenty of people walk or run a set distance across the month, or host something local instead. The moustache is one route in, not the entrance fee.

What if I ask someone and they do not want to talk?

Leave the door open rather than pushing at it. Telling someone you are around, and meaning it, does more good than one conversation forced at the wrong moment.

If you know a man who would never read something like this, please send it to him anyway.

What the EAN logo means for you

We are proud to be part of the Ethical Agent Network (EAN), a national network of independent agents who have been independently checked against strict standards of honesty and service. You cannot pay your way in. It has to be earned, and it can be taken away. That is your reassurance that we do the right thing by you, even when no one is watching. If you would like to know more about the Ethical Agent Network, please get in touch or visit www.ethicalagentnetwork.co.uk.